“I love you”, he says and I melt all over, I have this shudder run down my spine and a quiver in the pits of my stomach. And I’m wondering “will it last?” I look into your eyes and all I think about at that moment is love, although there’s this distracted look also there, but a fool in love only sees what is in their heart.
At that moment I was content to gaze into the deep brown of your eyes with the light chips dancing in them as we rode at the back of the taxi with the traffic lights flickering over your face. I couldn’t stop touching your face as I have always done. I can still feel the soft texture of your face in the palm of my mind and remember the light quirk of your mouth when you try not to laugh at my jokes. We rode the streets of Accra sometimes necking at the back of the car, with the warnings of my mum about how decent girls behave riding somewhere at the back of my subconscious mind with little acknowledgement. Because at that moment all I could think of was how awesome it felt to be in the arms of my lover and I savoured every moment like a wine connoisseur tasting his wine; the soft butterfly kisses you would place on my lips to tease me, the loving way you would redo my shirt buttons when I have missed some buttons and the light brush of your hand against my cheeks as you brush away tendrils of my hair out of my face. Oooh I loved it and hated every second I spent away from you. I hated the time when we would have to part ways.
Little did I know that this parting ways is going to be forever. I’m sure we have left drivers tales to tell their fellow drivers. Tales of two lovers at the backs of their cars, carefree and who just couldn’t be pried from each other long enough. Who would fill their cars with uninhibited laughter at one point and then the deafening silence of a deserted cemetery….who would have thought it would end this soon and fast indeed. What happened to the promises of forever, and never letting go, the reassurance of being there always???
Understand that I saw the differences and inconsistencies in behaviour patterns, responses, and attitude. Huh it was a mental case because I was trying at all times to reconcile the two behaviours or making excuses. I saw the attitude when we were together and the switch. But I was hoping to work it out too, that by some divine intervention things will fall into their rightful place. Oh but I had wished and hoped beyond everything I hold dear that the rightful place wouldn’t be a break up till it hit me square and fast in my face.
I had my friends telling me, “he’s just not into you as much as you are into him”, and at first I denied it because I was so in love with you I couldn’t see beyond my nose. Then I refused to believe it because it was such a blow to my ego…but after finally coming to terms with it, I realised that you didn’t really and that I was in a different world. A world where I was solely responsible for everything that happened in there, where it didn’t take two to make it work but one, me!
Now I believe and appreciate girl power but not when it takes the bend to desperation. That is just karma waiting to bite you back, so forgive that I had to pull the reins at some point and walk, not because I stopped loving you but because I decided to allow things fall in their rightful place; and if their rightful place is a place you are not then so be it. Because at this point to hold on would be foolishness, beyond measure but walking away, I’m glad… I can look back and smile because I gave us a fighting chance…and amidst all the pain, there’re still some memories that are worth having and recollecting, I won’t exchange them for anything. Besides, the thought of you still brings a smile, my love muse.